Sometimes my faith and resilience are challenged in VERY unexpected ways. Last spring my then fourteen-year-old son revealed a hidden pain and struggle, along with some terrible decisions that broke my heart and left me with self-doubt and guilt.
Because, seriously, how could I NOT have known this whole other side of him? I knew he had the typical teenage angst that comes with finding his way in this world, but this was a whole other level. He was at a therapeutic ranch in the middle of Texas for seven months.
Last week my twelve-year-old son, who is what doctors call a high functioning autistic boy, left the house while he was supposed to be taking a shower after a day of swimming. When my husband found him at our local park and walked home with him, I reminded him that because he left without asking either my husband or I if he could go first, he was grounded. He usually yells about us not understanding how he is allowed to do what he wants, but not this time.
This time he snapped and hit my husband and then threatened to kill us. I called 911 and when the cops came over, he became violent with them and my husband and I feared he would be taken to Juvenal Detention, especially when the cop placed handcuffs on my son and put him in the back of the patrol car. Fortunately he went to a local psychiatric hospital where he is being evaluated for a medicine change.
My family and I went to visit him tonight and he doesn’t seem to understand why we “sent him there.” My heart hurts for him and prays that we can help him to the best of our ability.
I’m grateful for my faith in my Savior, Jesus Christ. He knows me, loves me, and atoned for my sins. He’s felt my despair, confusion, and pain. He knows how to help me and my family overcome our unique challenges, and for that, I’m my heart is full of faith.